Thursday, November 5, 2015

Pseudo-ethnic salespersons

After work last night, I decided to walk through the mall on my way home. There was an unconventionally attractive man with a strange accent handing out samples at one of the new stores.

I always take free stuff. Always. I make Chris pretend that he is buying his cologne for the first time so he can get the free duffel bag and samples. The reality is he has been buying this same cologne for at least 6 years.


I was sucked into the sales ploy nd allowed this strange, foreign man to buff the nail on the middle finger of my right hand.

"Ohll nahtoorell," he says with his strange accent, "Where you are frohm?"

"Me? Oh. Ummm...New York," I reply completely confused by the relevance of this question.

"Ahhh! De beeg ceetee? Ohllwehs I ehm wantingh to go der."

I am not actually from NYC, but I figure Buffalo is the second biggest city and it IS a CITY in New York. So yes...I confirm my origins as NYC and tell him he absolutely must go.

Of course, my question is:

"Where are you from? You have a very interesting accent."


"Ahhh! Sono studente d'italiano!!! Perché abiti qui?" I so fabulously respond.

"Ohhh...daht ees eetahleeahn? I don't speak de lehnguage. I wahs born der but I grew ahp een Greece."

"Καταπληκτικό! Μαθαίνω ελληνικά," I reply excitedly.

He just kind of does a nervous giggle and says, "where you learn dese lehnguage?"

I tell him I'm a student and he just looks at me funny and continues his sales pitch. This all ends with me taking my free samples of all-natural soap and him giving me his card which said:


That was it. He was obviously a Canadian guy putting on a fake accent.

Walking away I give a smile and say, "γειά σου!"

He just smiles and grabs a hold of his next xenophile victim.

Now, I'm left with 2 free samples, lingual-disappointment, and a really shiny nail on the middle finger of my right hand.

There are 3 morals to this story:

1- learn to just say "no" and don't fall victim to the allure of a pretty accent. This is especially true when the accent doesn't sound familiar at all. If you can't even come close to placing it then chances are it is fake.

2 - if you're going to pretend to be from another country you should probably learn a few key phrases in that language.

3 - if someone offers to buff one of your nails you should tell them it is all or none! My other nails are looking extra awful.

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